


Old Man Flirting 101

by tiedyeflag



Category: No Straight Roads (Video Game)
Genre: 1010 concert, Flowers, Fluff, M/M, cut off shorts, dj shaves his legs and it's weird, dj tries to seduce J but J is an oblivious walnut, eve and yinu are featured briefly too, kabedon, the gay old object heads are gaying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28137288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiedyeflag/pseuds/tiedyeflag
Summary: Dj Subatomic Supernova tries to flirt with Neon J. Several times. With mixed results.
Relationships: DJ Subatomic Supernova/Neon J.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 137





	Old Man Flirting 101

Nova took a deep breath before departing the NSR tower elevator. This was it. His hand holding the handle to his briefcase tightened in anticipation as he took each step to the NSR meeting room. Today, Tatiana was simply holding a regular meeting, meaning all NSR artists were required to come. That meant Neon J would be there. And Nova finally worked up the guts...or, as he put it, found the time to pursue his feelings towards the cyborg.

Sweat percolated on his helmet as he neared the door to the meeting room. He had purposefully come a few minutes late to ensure when he came, everyone would see him, especially J. Yet his hands shook at not only the thought of his plan failing but at Tatiana’s rage at such a lack of punctuality.

He slammed the door open.

Everyone looked up, including J. He sat in his usual spot, and his screen lit up at the slamming door. Nova felt everyone’s eyes on him, or rather, at his cut off shorts.

He cleared his throat. “My apologies, everyone. I did not mean to slam the door so loudly.”

Tatiana narrowed her eyes. “And did you mean to be late as well, DJ Subatomic Supernova?”

Nova tugged at the collar of his shirt. “N-No, ma’am. My ride was, um, unavailable so I...I had to take public transport, which was running late.”

Tatiana glared at him with suspicion for what felt like a century before she sighed and crossed her arms. “Sit,” she ordered.

He strode to his seat so fast it could be mistaken as scurrying. Without a word, he pulled out a chair, sat down, and placed his briefcase in his lap. Then Tatiana resumed where she left off, not paying Nova’s interruption any more thought.

Nor was J, to Nova’s disappointment. 

Nova was so distracted he didn’t even notice when the meeting was over and Tatiana was gently but firmly shaking him by the shoulder.

“DJ Subatomic Supernova, are you with me?”

Nova yelped. He then looked around and noticed the empty meeting room, just seeing the last member, J, walking out the door. He held his face in his hands and groaned.

“Are you alright, DJ Subatomic Supernova? You’ve been out of it the whole meeting.”

“Yes, I’m fine. I simply...did not sleep well last night. My apologies,”

Tatiana raised an eyebrow, scanning her eyes up and down his body. Suddenly she leaned over and inspected the back of his chair. She snorted.

“What’s so funny?”

“Looks like Yinu left you a message,” she said, reaching out. She pulled out a sticky note from behind the chair and held it to his face. On it was a crude doodle of a cactus in the shape of a leg, with the words ‘CACTI LEGGIES’ scribbled by it in crayon. 

Nova snatched it up and crumpled it into a tight ball of paper. He tossed it away as he stood, fuming. Cursing under his breath, he grabbed his briefcase and stomped out of the room. How dare that brat make fun of his legs? 

Still, he thought reluctantly, as he pressed the elevator button, she might have a point. 

* * *

Yinu had invited the rest of NSR to one of her concerts. It was a formal event, so formal attire was a must, though Nova usually paid no mind to such dress codes. Not tonight, however.

It wasn’t until after the show did anyone dare to say anything, and it was Yinu who broke that silence. “Uncle Nova, you actually dressed up for one of my concerts!” She squealed.

“Ah, yes, I did,” he said.

Eve, standing next to Tatiana and wearing an abstract yet elegant gown, eyed him curiously. “What brought on this change in wardrobe? You’ve always worn your ridiculous hoodie and shorts, yet now you stand here before us, wearing a suit and tie, and…” She pursed her lips to find the right words, “a pair of cut off dress pants?”

“And your point?”

“I was not done. I had yet to mention your prominent lack of leg hair.”

Nova’s face grew warm. “So what of it? I figured you would all appreciate me confining in your narrow world view of ‘proper’ attire, yet here you are speaking like a Plutonian!”

“Calm down, Nova,” said J, patting Nova on the back. He stood beside him, wearing an ironed, polished military uniform with gold trimmings. “We’re simply curious. I was wondering why your legs were different…”

“Y-You noticed?” Nova hated how the words almost caught in his throat.

“Well, I didn’t know why the heat signatures were different, but--”

“I...beg your pardon.”

J rubbed at his neck, averting his screen. “Well, you see, I’m...I see the world differently, and--”

Tatiana cut him off, “He’s legally blind.”

J stiffened, clearing his throat. “Not my point. My point being is this body of mine,” He tapped his screen, “has the ability to see in thermography. Or in layman's terms, using the heat given off by objects to see them. I had simply noticed your legs were giving off more heat than usual, and now it makes sense. With shorter shorts and the absence of leg hair, as Eve pointed out, the heat from your body was no longer as insulated and thus produced a higher thermal image than usual.”

“...Oh.” Nova wanted to throw himself into a black hole. No wonder his last attempt was a disaster, as well as his current one, the man was blind, for Pete’s sake!

“Well, chin up, Nova. You look perfectly fine to me!”

“Thank you...J.”

J’s screen lit up as if he was smiling. He was practically beaming in Nova’s eyes...but the sight didn’t last long. J’s radar suddenly pinged loudly, and a couple of new dots appeared on the screen. “Oh dear,” his radar spun faster. “Everyone, I’ll be back, my boys are getting into trouble again…!” With that he ran off, his metallic footsteps echoing off the wooden floors. “Haym, you and Zimelu better not be doing what I think you are!!”

Nova half-heartedly waved, before he planted his face into his open palm, groaning. Stupid, blind, handsome son of a bitch…!

“Uncle Nova?” asked Yinu, quietly.

“Yes, Yinu?”

She stared at her feet, fiddling with her fingers. 

“Something wrong?”

Her lip quivered before she ran up to Nova and hugged his knees, crying. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!!”

“Wh-What now…?”

“I-I didn’t mean to make you feel bad for having hairy cactus legs!”

“Oh. Oh…” He patted her on the back. “Yinu, I...it’s okay. That’s not why I decided to shave my legs.”

Sniveling, she looked up with big, wet eyes. “R-Really?”

_ “Well, not entirely,” _ he thought, but couldn’t bring himself to admit it. “Really.”

She wiped her face with her sleeve, smiling. “O-Okay. And I like your hairy legs better.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, now they look like weird burnt sausages.”

If Nova had a face, a vein would be popping out of his forehead right now. Still, he ruffled Yinu’s hair as he said, “I’ll keep that in mind for the future.” That was indeed the full truth; nothing visual will obviously be able to seduce J, so a different approach was called forth. Something a bit more...direct. Physical.

* * *

At the next NSR meeting, Nova showed up on time, in his usual attire, without slamming the door open. The only indication anything was amiss was the thin fuzz of his slowly regrowing leg hair.

“Any further questions?” asked Tatiana. “...No? Very good. Dismissed.”

Everyone shuffled out of their seats, but Nova hesitated, keeping a keen eye on J’s movements. He deliberately got up just after J to follow after him, when Tatiana said, “DJ Subatomic Supernova?”

He froze, itching to go. “Yes?”

Tatiana walked over to him. “I simply wanted to say I appreciate you being punctual again, especially after the last meeting.”

“Yes, yes, thank you,”

“Yet I couldn’t help but notice you were still a bit quieter than usual today.”

“Mm-hm,” He bounced his leg.

“...Do you have someplace to be?”

_ “Isn’t it obvious?!”  _ he thought. “Yes, actually.”

“Ah, my apologies then. We can discuss this another day. You may go.”

“Yesthankyougoodbye!” he said as he ran out the door and down the corridor. He almost tripped over himself as he turned the corner. And then he saw J, standing by the elevator. His radar pinged when he saw Nova. 

“Hello there, Nova!” he saluted.

“Juh...Jay…” Nova panted. He took deep gulps of air as he approached J. “So glad...I caught you…”

“Actually, me too. I was hoping to talk to--”

Nova cut him off by slamming a hand against the wall, pinning J between the wall and him. Despite how J was technically taller than Nova, Nova loomed above him. Nova then leaned in, closer, closer, until there was barely an inch between his helmet and J’s screen.

“Nova…?”

“...” 

“Nova, are you alright?”

_ “I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY!!”  _ Nova screamed in his head. He was so focused on catching up to J, so caught up in getting his posture and expression correct...He was broken from his stupor by J gently cupping his cheek, sleek metal against smooth glass. Though J’s fingers were cool, the touch was anything but cold; it was gentle and warm…and then his hand traveled up to his forehead.

“Are you feeling alright? Do you have a fever?”

“I...I…I forgot my briefcase.”

“What?...Oh yes, but you had it at the meeting, didn’t you?”

Nova leaned back, releasing J from the wall. “I...I left it in the meeting room. I’d better go get it.”

“Do you want me to wait up for you?”

“No no, I’m sure your boys need your supervision again sooner rather than later.”

J chuckled as he pressed the elevator button. “Tell me about it. But I still love them.” With a ping the elevator doors opened. Just before he stepped off, he gave Nova a salute, “Until next time, soldier!”

Nova waved back and waited until the doors closed for his hand and confidence to fall. He pulled the hood of his jacket around his face and yelled into the fabric.

“Well...that could have gone better,” came a voice.

Nova jumped. He turned to see Tatiana standing there, his briefcase in her hand. “What are you--”

“I was trying to be nice for once and return your briefcase before you left, when I witnessed that gay disaster.”

Nova snatched the briefcase, then hid his face behind it. “Tatiana...please don’t tell anyone about this…”

“Ha! I have far better things to do. Furthermore, I have twenty dollars in the ‘you make the first move on J’ betting pool.”

“Please, please tell me you’re joking.”

“Regardless, I highly recommend NOT employing the ‘kabedon’ technique.”

“Do you have any better ideas?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never been one for romance, but may I suggest being more simple and direct? Surely even you can give someone flowers or chocolates.”

Nova lowered his briefcase in contemplation. J couldn’t eat solids, so chocolates were out of the question, but maybe…

* * *

Nova’s head felt ready to split open from all the screaming at the 1010 concert. How could teenage girls be so loud?! Even worse, the boys didn’t sound so bad, and neither was their dancing, but he couldn’t appreciate any of it with all the raving, frothing fans standing around him. Still, this was the last song, so it wouldn’t be for much longer. Might as well start walking to the line to talk to the band--and J--one on one. 

“Thank you, everyone!” sung Rin. “You’ve all been a wonderful, beautiful audience!”

“BEAUTIFUL~” sang the rest.

“And don’t forget, for all the lovely, lucky fans that have a platinum pass, the line to meet each and every one of us is right over there!”

“OVER THERE~”

“We look forward to talking one on one with all you lovely ladies~” Rin winked.

“AND GENTS~” added the rest.

At that moment, the ground shook. It felt as if an earthquake was overtaking the concert. Nova turned around and felt pure, utter terror.

A horde of frantic fans running right for the line...in his direction.

Nova didn’t even have time to gasp as he was trampled by hundreds upon hundreds of fans, for what felt like hundreds upon hundreds of eons, as he was stomped on hundreds and hundreds of times…

He came to by someone poking his helmet.

“Is he dead? He looks dead.”

“Nah, he’s just sleeping.”

“Isn’t this that DJ dad likes? What’s his name again?”

“Subatomic something?”

“Oh yeah, old man galaxy farts! Ha!”

Nova groaned, twitching. When his vision cleared, he saw five neon colored boys staring down at him. He tried to speak up, to correct these teenagers who he was, but all that came out was another painful groan. His entire body ached, his helmet was cracked, and his throat hurt to even talk.

“I think he’s waking up!” said Rin.

“How can you tell?” asked Haym.

“He’s moaning and moving, and unless he’s a zombie, that means he’s waking up.” Purl-hew adjusted his shades.

“Shouldn’t we help galaxy farts get up?” asked Zimelu.

“Hey, Mister, are you okay? Can you stand?” Eloni asked as he reached out a hand.

Despite every bone in his body feeling like lead, Nova took the hand and let himself be pulled to his feet. He held his head and managed a, “Th-Thanks…”

Rin cleared his throat, “We couldn’t help but notice you have a platinum pass, which means you were eligible to talk to us one on one! But it appears the more experienced fans beat you to the punch, and punched out your poor lights!”

“Oh noooo~” chimed the rest.

“But fear not, mister DJ, we know who you are, and know you deserve the chance you so dearly crave to converse with us--”

“Where’s J?”

Speak of the devil, just as the boys were in the midst of pulling off a ridiculous pose, J’s voice rang through the air. “BOOOOOYS! WHERE ARE YOU?!” From what appeared to be left of the stage marched J, metal still shining in the late night lights. “Oh, there you are! Sorry to shout, just didn’t know if a fan tried to kidnap you again or not.”

“Hi Dad!” the boys waved.

J approached them, and his radar pinged when he noticed Nova. “Nova? What on earth are you doing here? Were you attending my boys’ concert?”

“Yes, and barely survived it.” Nova rubbed his aching head. “I couldn’t even enjoy the music, those fans are absolute  _ lunatics _ .”

“Hey!” yelled Zimelu. “Don’t diss on our fans!!”

Nova cleared his throat. “Anyway, I came all this way to give you...this,” He held up his other hand...and his stomach sank like a rock.

The small yet elegant bouquet of flowers that he had been holding all through the concert, organized and arranged to perfection, wrapped in delicate holographic paper...it was reduced to a flattened mass of leaves and dirty petals.

“...is this a joke?” hissed Zimelu.

Purl-hew patted his shoulder. “He obviously meant to give it to us  _ before _ he was trampled to near death, idiot.”

“Maybe if we put them in some water they’ll perk up…?” suggested Haym with big eyes.

Rin frowned. “Sorry bro, but I don’t think that’ll do any good.”

Eloni gently took the writhing bouquet from Nova’s limp grip. “It’s okay, Mister DJ. We really appreciate the gesture!”

If Nova had a mouth, it’d be opening and closing like a fish’s when out of water. That’s how he felt, gasping for air to explain himself, to explain to J, to confess…

“I...I should go.” Nova began to walk away, dragging his feet. “Good night, boys. And you too, J.”

“Hold it, Nova,”

Nova stopped, but didn’t dare to raise his head. How could he when everything’s turned out so poorly, so absurdly ridiculously poorly? He did perk up, however, at the gentle touch of J’s hand on his shoulder. “Do you need a ride back to your district? It’s awfully late, after all.”

“I…” Nova fiddled with the drawstrings of his hoodie. The last thing he wanted was to spend more time with the man he embarrassed himself in front of _ several _ times. Yet he was tired, a bit cold, and weak to J’s beaming screen. So he compromised. “If you could walk me to the nearest train back to the Cast Tech District, I would greatly appreciate it.”

“Affirmative!” He turned to 1010. “Boys, go straight to the limo and go home. I better see you all in bed by the time I get back, or else! Understand?”

“Yes, sir!!” they saluted.

“Dismissed!”

Like toy soldiers, each boy spun on their heels and marched stiffly away in a row. Their synchronization was unnerving to the DJ, especially seeing how...human they were just moments ago, playing with his limp form like a child poking at something with a stick. Sometimes it was hard to remember they were robots, not flesh and blood teenage boys. But he paid it no more mind as J guided him out of the concert and to the streets.

* * *

The walk wasn’t as unpleasant as Nova anticipated. J went on about his boys, a handful of stories from the war, and even complimented Nova on his most recent concert. Nova’s helmet felt warm, but J didn’t seem to bat an eye, or even a ping on his radar.

Just as they reached the train station for the last bullet train back to Cast Tech, Nova felt a single drop of water hit his helmet. He looked up and a few more hit his face. The cold raindrops ran down and dropped to his clothes, seeping into his skin.

“Oh, no…” J mumbled, huddling close to Nova.

“What?” asked Nova, ignoring how nice J’s touch felt.

“Well, to put it plainly, rain plus cyborg body equals bad news.”

“Would you…” like to come and stay at my place, Nova wanted to say, but the words caught in his throat. 

“Oh, don’t fret over me, soldier. I’ve survived the Border Wars, I’ve survived raising five teenage robot boys, I’ll survive this, too. I’ll just wait until the rain lets up.” J turned towards a bench under the awning, but even Nova could tell the reluctance in his posture. Before he made a single step, he felt something warm and heavy drape over his shoulders. “Wha--Nova, your jacket!”

“Take it. It’s waterproof, so it should help.”

J’s radar faltered, as if his heart skipped a beat. He clutched at it and pulled it snugly around him. “That’s...very kind of you, Nova.”

“It’s nothing,”

In the distance came the loud whistle of the bullet train. It rounded the corner, the lights blaring through the rainy atmosphere. As it approached the station, J cleared his throat. “Thank you again, Nova. You’ll save this old soldier’s joints.”

“Don’t mention it.”

The bullet train had finally come to a stop, and the doors opened. A handful of passengers stumbled out, leaving the train almost empty. Just as Nova took a single step towards the doors, J gently grabbed him by the wrist. “Would...Would you like to have a rendezvous tomorrow? Say, at the Strati Cafe? At eleven hours?”

Nova’s heart skipped a beat.

“T-To return your jacket. And perhaps catch up? If you have no other obligations tomorrow, of course.”

Now Nova’s heart was pounding like the bass to one of his soundtracks. He reached to toy with his drawstrings again, only to finger the empty air. “Y-Yes, I mean, no I have no other obligations.” He coughed. “Sounds lovely. I will see you there.”

“It’s a date, then!” J cheered, autotuned. He then clamped his hands over his monitor as if shocked at his words. And wait, was his screen turning pink…?

“LAST TRAIN FOR CAST TECH DISTRICT LEAVING IN ONE MINUTE,” came the voice over the intercom. “I REPEAT, LAST TRAIN FOR CAST TECH DISTRICT LEAVING IN ONE MINUTE.”

Nova jumped onto the train just as the doors closed. He turned back to gaze at J from the window and waved. J waved back, fondly holding the jacket close to him with his other hand. As the train pulled out, Nova waved back, trying to control the heat rising in his face, and the sparkles of the stars in his helmet. 

Of course, the ‘lending your jacket to your partner’ trope! Why hadn’t he thought of it sooner?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this lovely doodle I found on tumblr!! https://cottonbun.tumblr.com/post/629259975663992832
> 
> And I cannot get enough of these gay old men in my life, I crave it <3<3<3
> 
> If you like dis and wanna see more, you can give me a coffee! --> https://ko-fi.com/tietoons


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